Kickflankia
by Captain Ash
Summary: There is a nation called Molossia. A micro-nation, to be precise. Located just outside of Appleloosa. It is a small spec of land. But through a strange loophole, it is technically considered a nation. For the most part Molassia is a quiet, gentle land, that is yet to subject itself to any intense, hostile violence. That is where Rainbow Dash comes in? Anthropomorphic ponies fic.
1. Chapter 1

Kickflankia

My Little Pony and all related characters belong to Hasbro.

* * *

_"There is a nation called... Molossia. A micro-nation, to be precise. Located just outside of Appleloosa. It is a small spec of land. One point three acres to be exact. But through a strange loophole, it is technically considered a nation. It is run by a pony named Baugh, who has declared himself the proud president of this land. He has been called one Curly short of the Three Stooges, but he does manage to keep order in his humble country. For the most part Molassia is a quiet, simple, gentle land, that is yet to subject itself to any intense, hostile violence. That... is where Rainbow Dash comes in?"_

* * *

It was a sunny morning as President Baugh did his morning meditation. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. He walked through his house, AKA the capital, and answered his front door. Outside his home was a blue pegasus mare with a rainbow colored mane, wearing a black blazer, red tie, a white t-shirt, and a black cap with sunglasses and had a cutie mark of a cloud with a rainbow colored lightning bolt coming from it.

"Hi, I'm Rainbow Dash, better known as the online personality, "The Nostalgia Critic" and all around spectacular gal!" The mare introduced herself, though Baugh just stared at her in silence.

"Anyway I run a website that has all sorts of reviewers that come together and, well, review stuff. I don't like to brag, but, we're pretty successful." Rainbow Dash said smiling, the President of Molassia still standing in silence.

"I noticed that you, um, have your own nation here. Must be totally proud right?" The rainbow maned mare said, now becoming slightly unnerved by the silent stare Baugh was giving her.

"But you gotta admit it's not very big and _you're_ not very big. Let's just cut to the chase here. I am going to invade you. My army is going to take you down, conquer Molossia, and take it as our own. Now, don't get any bright ideas. Don't try to fight back or anything like that. My army is totally undeniably, unquestionably, unstoppable, unbeatable, and of course invincible. Where, you are... what? Just you?" The mare said with the utmost serious, lauging towards the end while Baugh continued to just stare at her.

"So, I'll give you about 10 minutes to pack things up and get out. Deal?" Rainbow Dash asked as she clapped her hands together and smiled. Baugh just shut the door without a word.

"Why do they always want to do it the hard way?" The pegasus grumbled as she flew off.

* * *

Rainbow Dash sat in her home, in front of four computer monitors, each with information about Molossia.

"Ah, Molossia" The pegasus said to herself as she picked up a phone and began to dial it.

* * *

A grey pony with a black mane, pink bow-tie, and a cutie mark of a musical note was sitting on her couch when her phone rang. Walking over and picking it up she said,

"Hello?" She then heard Rainbow Dash on the other end.

"It's time."

* * *

The blue pegasus then dialed another number.

* * *

A lavender colored unicorn laid on a futon in her room, reading a comic. She wore a trilby hat, glasses, a brown jacket, and had a star cutie mark. She was reading a comic book entitled "Neightro" and depicted a giant navy blue robot on the cover. Suddenly her phone rang and she answered.

"Hello!" The pony on the other end replied,

"It's time."

* * *

Rainbow Dash then dialed many more numbers, every telling whoever picked up,

"It's time."

Soon she was done and sat in her chair with a satisfied smirk on her muzzle. Soon her phone rang.

"Hello? Oh hi Gilda!" She answered.

_"Uh, yeah. What does 'It's time' mean?" _The voice on the other end asked.

"What? Whaddya mean what does it mean?"

_"I don't know, you just called me up and said 'It's time!' like I'm supposed to know what that means." _

"Get with it Gilda! We're taking over Molossia!"

_"What's Molossia?" _

"Hold on, got a call on the other line. Hello?" Rainbow Dash said as she answered the beep.

_"What's this "It's time" thing you're talking about?" _

"YOU DON'T KNOW?!" Rainbow Dash all but shouted into the phone, very much surprised.

_"No I don't."_

"Look just meet me in Molossia."

_"Where?"_

"Just be there!" Another call came in and the blue pegasus answered.

_"Yes it is, 3:22 p.m."_ A rather regal sounding voice said from the other line.

"WHAT?" Rainbow Dash shouted into the phone.

_"We thought thou wanted to know what time it was."_

"NO! I'm TELLING you it IS time!"

_"Aye, and that time be 3:22 p.m." _Another call came in.

_"Ah'm behind you 110% Rainbow! Sugarcube Corner's days a' refusin' to serve us sweets on Sundays from here on out are gonna be blown sky high!" _A mare with a Texan accent said, cackling madly.

"AJ? What're you talking about?"

_"What were ya'll taking about?" _

"The take over of Molossia." Rainbow Dash answered plainly.

_"What in tarnation is Molassia?"_

"Ugh, hold on, I'll get back to ya. Hello?" Rainbow Dash said as she switched calls.

_"Yeah I got 3:24 here, but I think Luna's watch is more accurate." _

"THAT'S IT! YOU'RE ALL GOING ON SPEAKER PHONE!" Dash yelled in frustration as she set her phone to speaker.

"Can everyone hear me?" She asked, receiving yes's and a no from a _snob_ of a Prince.

"Look, we're taking over the land of Molossia. I'm flying you all out to Appleloosa so we can prepare for the invasion!"

_"An' just where are we gonna stay Dash? My cousin Braeburn's place?" _

"Don't worry I booked everypony a hotel room."

**LATER AT HOTEL APPLELOOSA**

* * *

Everyone Dash had called, a total of 14 ponies and one griffon, were crammed into a hotel room.

"Wow, I didn't see that one coming." The only griffon said, sarcasm clearly evident in her voice.

"Oh man! I'm excited! Are you excited?!" An orange pegasus filly asked a large red stallion with a green apple cutie mark, who just looked at her then turned his head in disinterest.

"I cannot believe she dragged us all out here..." One Twilight Sparkle, better known as Linkara, said tiredly as she rubbed her head no doubt fighting back a migraine.

One Prince Blueblood, AKA the Cinema Snob, was sitting on one of the already crowded beds next to Princess Luna. He wore a black jacket and shirt with a pair of glasses.

"Hey, you look familiar, aren't you that "Nightmare" lady?" Blueblood asked.

"What?! No, no, I mean we don't know what thou are talking about." The princess of the night asked suspiciously shocked.

"Yeah yeah yeah! You tried to take over the world and stuff." The pompous snob of a Prince said, causing Luna to clutch his jacket violently.

"NO! We mean, we were _before _but..." Luna then released the snob's jacket and turned away dramatically.

"That twas the past..." Luna said as she looked off at nothing.

At this point Rainbow Dash entered the room.

"Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, ALRIGHT! Is everybody here?" The Rainbow critic asked in a pleased mood, snapping her hands together.

"They better be, the room's full as is." Gilda complained as she pushed a certain pink pony off herself.

"Alright everyone! We are about to do the coolest, most radical, thing any of us have ever done before. We are going to take over the land... of Molossia!" The blue pegasus said with much excitement. Everyone present just stared at the critic before a collective question filled the room.

"Why?"

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**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 2

Kickflankia

My Little Pony and all related characters belong to Hasbro.

* * *

"What?" Rainbow Dash asked as she looked to the crowd of ponies in front of her.

"Why are we taking over Molossia? From what I hear it's only an acre of land, if even _that_ much." Cheerilee said, really regretting coming all the way to Appleloosa for this.

"Please Cheerilee, do you think anyone else here honestly has that questi..." The rainbow colored critic started, only to be cut off by the forceful cry of,

"WHY?!"

Rainbow Dash winced a little at the sudden outburst, but quickly recovered and said,

"Ok! The fact is that this is our one and only opportunity to finally totally take control of something. I mean, haven't you ever wanted to rule your own nation?"

"Does SimEquestria count?" Asked Pinkie Pie, wearing a yellow hat for absolutely no reason.

"This is our chance to finally have power! To create an empire unlike any other!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, a slightly crazed look in her eye.

"But it's only an acre of land Rainbow! What could we possibly do with an acre of land?!" Twilight Sparkle asked, beginning to question her friend's sanity.

"What _CAN'T_ we do with an acre of land?! What starts as an acre of land, could turn into something larger than any of us can imagine!" Rainbow excitedly said.

"Yeah, like _two_ acres of land!" Twilight said mockingly as she held up two fingers.

"You know, there's another group of people that thought like you, Twilight. There were called _BARBARIANS_! They were close-minded, hate filled ponies who just wanted everything their way. _ARE YOU A BARBARIAN TWILIGHT?!_" Rainbow Dash wildly accused her long time friend, pointing her finger at her.

"No, I'm not." Twilight said, rolling her eyes.

"_ARE YOU A BARBARIAN TWILIGHT?!_" Rainbow Dash yelled again , still pointing her finger accusingly, as everyone else in the room began to look at the lavender unicorn suspiciously.

"I'm not a barbarian! I'm not!" The trilby wearing unicorn exclaimed, causing everyone else to casually look away.

"Good. Now let me tell you about a group of people that didn't give up. They were called barbarians!" The rainbow mare said, causing everyone to nod thoughtfully while Twilight just groaned and rubbed her temples.

"They had a crazy plan, too. Everypony thought they were nuts. But you know what? They got pretty far, didn't they? Cause they were dedicated!" Rainbow Dash said, now floating above everyone and doing a good job of getting them excited and kept going,

"Think about it! First we take Molossia, and then the neighbors down the street. And then their neighbors, and then their neighbors, and then their neighbors! Pretty soon we would have a military force so gigantic that _nopony_ would be able to stop us! And then we go global! And then..."

"Cupcakes?" Pinkie Pie interrupted, but Rainbow Dash ignored her.

"_THE WORLD!"_ The Rainbow Nostalgia Critic shouted excitedly, earning many cheers.

"And don't you let anyone tell you that you can't do it. So what are you ponies? Barbarians? OR BARBARIANS?!" She finished, earning a roar of cheers from the assembled "army" in front of her. She then flew over to Octavia, AKA the Nostalgia Filly._  
_

"And as the obvious future president of this great nation, I'm gonna somepony to be my vice president. Interested Octavia?" The shaded pegasus asked.

"I was kind of hoping for president?" The grey mare said hopefully. Rainbow Dash just scoffed and replied,

"That's all a VP does!" Octavia smiled brightly and replied,

"I'll do it!" Rainbow Dash then jetted for the door and said,

"Alright everypony, what're we waiting for? Let's go kick some Molossia!"

* * *

The "army" of 15 walked down the road to the Republic of Molossia.

"We're going to destroy them aren't we?! WE'RE GONNA DESTROY THEM!" Scootaloo exclaimed excitedly as she jumped up and down.

"Yeah Scoots, but take it easy. You'll need to be ready for all the pointless torturing." Rainbow Dash said, patting the filly on the head. President Baugh stepped out onto the border of Molossia as the army neared.

"CHAAAAAAARGE!" Rainbow Dash ordered as her army ran straight for the country.

"AAAAAAAAARGH!" They yelled as they got closer and closer. But just as the were no more than five feet away, Baugh pulled out a machine gun and they instantly turned and ran away in terror.

**BACK AT HOTEL APPLELOOSA**

* * *

"Well, _THAT_ didn't work Dash. What kinda lame plan was that anyway? Just run at him, seriously?" Gilda said, glaring at her old friend.

"Hey! I didn't think that far ahead okay?!" Rainbow Dash said in defense.

"No, you just thought to where everypony was in charge and _you_ were rule the _bucking world_!" Prince Blueblood chastised.

"Yeah, so?" Dash asked in genuine curiosity.

"You can't just do that, Dash. You have to plan these things out. You have to have a strategy for Celestia's sake!" Vinyl Scratch said, everyone agreeing.

"Well that takes hard work and boring stuff! Hard work and boring stuff we don't have!" Dash snapped back at the DJ unicorn.

"I don't know about everypony else, but I'm leaving." Cheerilee said as she headed for the door.

"Yeah I'm outta hear!" Vinyl Scratch said as everyone followed Cheerilee.

"WHAT?! You wanna leave when we're so close to winning?!" The Rainbow critic asked as Scootaloo came up next to her and said,

"I'd never leave you Rainbow Dash!" The older mare just calmly pusher her away, looking rather disturbed and replied,

"I know that Scootaloo." Turning her attention back to her "army" Dash said,

"We need a plan!" Applejack raised her hand and said,

"OH! We could hogtie 'em, dip 'em in pickle juice, then throw 'em to rabid weasels!" Rainbow Dash then replied,

"Nah, we'd need to get close to them."

"OH! We could use Big Mac's head as a batterin' ram!" Applebloom suggested, causing her brother to look at her in offense.

"Nope, his head's too soft." Dash said, earning a glare from Big Macintosh.

"Here's an idea, let's use weapons." Gilda suggested.

"No way G! That'll _never_ work!" Dash said, dismissing the griffon.

"Hmm, I got it! We'll use weapons!" The Nostalgia Mare said as she pumped her fist in the air!

"Twilight get your magic gun! Applejack we need your M-4's, and everyone else find something totally cool because we're not outta this war yet!" Rainbow Dash said as many cheers erupted forth!


End file.
